they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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