Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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