I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
