hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
