well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
