It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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