Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
