You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
