If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
