Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
