i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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