I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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