I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
