shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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