Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
