i think my mom watched the whole time
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
