so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
