Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
