Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
