The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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