For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
