when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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