i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
