Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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