so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
