I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
