remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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