she was so not down for the gang bang
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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