I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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