what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
