I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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