I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
