I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
