I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
