There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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