he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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