can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.