I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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