At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit