I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.