still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.