Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
