I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
