I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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