I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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