Already got asked if we're dating
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
