I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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