Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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