I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
