after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
