Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize