Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
