your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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