Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
