I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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