There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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