Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
