I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
