Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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