so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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