I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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