Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize