I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
