i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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