You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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