drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
