i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My life is pants optional.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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