so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
