If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
