there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
