Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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