last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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